Monday, March 22, 2010

Getting Over Myself...

The following 2 drawings were done last Tuesday. The first of this cat lady that I'm thinking about using in my Acting for Animators class, the second that little alien girl (boy???) thing. I've been talking to my friend Cassie about doing something with it. Sorry I am so lazy, not scanning my art, but at least since I don't have access to a printer at the moment my reasoning is legitimate. I'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence or whatever but...I DON'T CARE.

I know I mentioned last post that it was mostly a matter of time and effort into my artwork but after further deliberation I've come to realize I'm also struggling to get over who I used to be. While looking over possible solutions to my lack of creative flow I came over this:

No Inspiration: Has My Personality Changed Beyond 'repair'?

I don't know what has happened. I lived and breathed art for many years. It was what kept me going. I got my self-esteem and identity from my abilities. Something has gone very wrong. I am no longer able to create. I feel my personality has changed irrepairably. I have lost a massive part of myself. It's not even really a 'block' - I have actually lost all desire to create. I am mourning my lost 'self'. :(

A great deal of myself continues to draw simply because that was me. That's what I've always done and I have defined myself in that kind of sense. Sometimes I have to question myself, if I am who I really am or if I'm pretending to be who I used to be. I think when it comes to any type of creative flow it's good to know yourself. I haven't finished anything with satisfaction in almost 6 years and I would really like for things to change. Everytime I am in front of that blank piece of paper I get lost and I don't know up from down, and I find my hand moving around doing crazy unauthorized things that only end in frustration and torn up paper.


  1. I find that a every creative personality needs a source from which to draw upon. If your source is merely yourself, it's too shallow and will dry up quickly. The old Disney adage, "believe in yourself," is really not worth the time to read if you don't have anything rock-steady inside of you to rely on.

    Do you have an unexhaustible creative source? Is there something or someone on which you can receive inspiration? And finally, is all you do all you are? Or are you more than the things you do?

  2. This is a really late response but that's really something to think about Matthew!! I am still figuring myself out at the moment but man...those are some tough questions for me, sadly!